i am a fucking idiot.

how in the hell did i get here?

snippet from a dream i dreamt last night: i was climbing a tree, grabbed onto a branch from which i began to swing (it wasn't that far from the ground). the branch, being flimsy, broke off, revealing a gang of spiders. when i leaned in to get a closer look at the spiders (creatures which i have been ohsocurious about in recent times), they began to fly and chase after me. it didn't take much to evade them, but it scared the shit out of me.

- the climbing of the tree represents a pursuit of goals
- swinging represents going back and forth between situations
- broken branches represent tremendous stress and emotional insecurities.
- spiders represent feeling like an outsider; keeping your distance from a tempting or alluring situation; feminine power; a powerful force protecting you against self-destructive behavior. also, feeling entangled/trapped in a relationship or a situation by an ensnaring or controlling force.
- being chased represents avoiding a situation you do not think is conquerable. it is a metaphor for insecurity. also; being chased by an animal represents unexpressed or unacknowledged emotions which are projected onto that animal.

shit like this freaks me out.

today, i saw the star trek movie with my dad.

i am in love with spock.

all i want to do is watch zombie movies.

today's fortune cookie:

"trust yourself. you know more than you think."

in the new year, when i return to you, i want to be new.

i helped push a boy on a wheelchair up a ramp and back out into the wilderness, the wild wonderful thick nuclear blizzard snowfall that make the fields and the parking lots look the same. it's finals week and everyone is out despite the lack of sound in the air, their cars sliding everywhere, it's just a normal daze. building tunnels from the lab to the street to my house to your house and back again. the song of dressing for the elements, where undressing is the counter-refrain. take a nap, go back to where you came. revitalize and realize over and over and over again, we're all zeros and ones dancing around in a frame.

there is success to be found in staying up later than everyone else. there are more hours in the day to make things and more hours in the day to see things and do things and laugh as you're watching the sun come up again. and walking home in the snow with friends, beer in hand, through the woods and into the backdoor and into the closet and onto the bed to watch wayne's world again and again and again. dropping off ben with sarah jane, donuts and sliding all the way to mcdonald's for the longest drive thru wait ever. and then the other half comes back from the hookah bar and goofs around just like always. pictures of the passed out kinder, and the critter. and walking home in the snow alone with a mighty storm a-brewing, silent quiet snowfall, the wind moving the thick puffy clouds along quickly and urgently. wind chimes dancing softly with warning, pushing me home to my bed piled high with blankets that cause me to sweat through my sleep.

left to right: rick, adam, devon, doug, seth, dave, me.
taken by charlie edwards.

lately i've been doing a lot of modeling for my friends/colleges/peers/whatever. i'm really enjoying it. it's a lot easier to be the model than the photographer, though i enjoy both roles. anyways, these are devon's shots of everyone playing in the snow. in their underwear.

(click on the photo for more.)

"ugly and futile: lean neck and tangled hair and a stain of ink, a snail's bed. yet someone had loved him, borne him in her arms and in her heart. but for her the race of the world would have trampled him under foot, a squashed boneless snail. she had loved his weak watery blood drained from her own. was that then real? the only true thing in life? his mother's prostrate body the fiery columbanus in holy zeal bestrode. she was no more: the trembling skeleton of a twig burnt in the fire, an odour of rosewood and wetted ashes. she had saved him from being trampled under foot and had gone, scarcely having been. a poor soul gone to heaven: and on a heath beneath winking stars a fox, red reek of rapine in his fur, with merciless bright eyes scraped in the earth, listened, scraped up the earth, listened, scraped and scraped."

so, last night i went to the lilypad for a show.

it was outclassed's ep/cd release show.

the crowd was bigger than i have ever seen it there before.

way bigger than for daitro.

it was intense, i don't think any other words could describe it more.

i ended up climbing on top of a couple of amps half-way through the set to take most of the photos that i ended up taking.

sometimes, sometimes i just want to quit.

dream nights are in full effect.
at the end of the spring semester, anything is possible.
there is nothing to care about, and nothing else to do
but hang out with everyone you love in your underwear.

i finally got to scan all of the work that i've created so far in my photo II class and uploaded it all on to the internets today. most of what is included was used in my gateway portfolio. feel free to browse through my flickr. all the love.